


Don't You Get Too Far From Yourself

by skytramp



Series: Great Men Academy: Post Canon Rose/Good Universe [2]
Category: Great Men Academy สุภาพบุรุษสุดที่เลิฟ (TV)
Genre: Canon Divergence, Established Relationship, F/M, Female Friendship, Gen, Long-Distance Relationship, Personal Growth, Post-Canon, Sequel to There's A Lot That Rises Up, Sharing a Bed, Underage Drinking, brief appearances by Nuclear Menn and Tangmo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 19:28:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29905959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skytramp/pseuds/skytramp
Summary: Rose looks up from her phone to see Nuclear and Menn left to play some basketball across the courtyard and Love is looking at her with a smug knowing expression.“Texting Good?” She asks, knowing the answer.Rose rolls her eyes. “Stop looking so smug about it. You should be weirded out that I’m dating your brother.”Second semester begins, and Rose has to figure out what she wants to do with the rest of her life.Sequel fic toThere's A Lot That Rises Up
Relationships: Good/Rose | Sean (Great Men Academy)
Series: Great Men Academy: Post Canon Rose/Good Universe [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2199024
Comments: 5
Kudos: 1





	1. Color in, color in

Nothing seems to have changed on the campus of Great Men Academy in the last week, even if so much changed for Rose when she was away. The second semester of her final year starts as uneventfully as possible, even as those vying for their spots in the upcoming tournament continue their eager push for scores. Love is included amongst those would-be participants, and Rose can’t help but look fondly at Love’s determination around the whole thing. 

“You’re serious about joining the tournament again this year then?” Rose asks, a few weeks into the term, from across their shared lunch table. 

Love nods, mouth full of food, and Nuclear pipes up first from his space beside Love. “Why wouldn’t she be? She’s got to get her old body back, right?” He glances towards Love and she half nods in agreement while swallowing. “I mean, no offense, I’m still trying to win, but Love’s got a chance at two years running! That would tie Vier’s record.” 

Rose’s gut twists a little at the mention of Vier’s name, but she keeps the half smile on her face. Sean’s expressions tend to be easier to control, less subject to the whims of her every emotion, and Rose is always grateful for it. Nuclear doesn’t seem to notice the twitch, but Love does, or simply knows to expect it, and gives Rose a look of sympathy before speaking up herself. 

“I do want to join the tournament again, yeah.” Love says, but looks eager to shift the focus away from herself. “What about you, Sean? You joined last year, are you trying again?” 

She shakes her head and finishes a bite of her lunch. “I’m not really interested. I want to focus on graduation.” 

Menn, who is sitting beside Rose, speaks up. “Do you know where you want to study?” 

Rose shakes her head again. “I’m still thinking about it.” It’s not strictly a lie when she says it this way, even if the only time she thinks about it is when she wakes up from stress dreams from avoiding thinking about it. Sean has an impressive transcript and could easily obtain letters of recommendation from any number of faculty members here at Great Men. Rose, on the other hand… her record is a bit more spotty. And only one of the two is a real person. While the others all are counting down to the tournament, Rose has her own countdown: to the university entrance exams, which are two weeks after.

The conversation continues casually in other directions and Rose is able to lose herself in thought without anyone giving her much notice. She’s wondering a bit about Love’s actual thoughts about winning the tournament again, and makes a mental note to ask Love again while they’re alone. Something about her expression didn’t sit right with Rose, she knows reluctance when she sees it. 

Her phone vibrates and she pulls it from the pocket of her slacks. It’s a text from Good, and she smiles a bit without meaning to. 

_[I was right about the bio lab syllabus, I knew there was no way we would be covering immunology this early in the term.]_

_[How is your day? Anything interesting?]_

Rose shakes her head a little. The ongoing saga of the incorrect syllabus finally has a satisfactory conclusion, she’s happy for him. 

_[[?Nothing so interesting as an incorrect biology syllabus. TBH I’m bored. Can I call you tonight]]_

_[Do you need more class help?]_

She hadn’t needed class help in the first place, but Good’s interests are almost entirely scholastic on the surface, and Rose had taken the first opportunity he offered for them to talk, even if that meant her smiling and nodding through him explaining school work she already understood. She just likes to hear him talk about things. 

_[[?Sure. Are you free]]_

_[I’ll call you after my evening lab :) ]_

_[[.Talk to you then]]_

Rose looks up from her phone to see Nuclear and Menn left to play some basketball across the courtyard and Love is looking at her with a smug knowing expression. 

“Texting Good?” She asks, knowing the answer. 

Rose rolls her eyes. “Stop looking so smug about it. You should be weirded out that I’m dating your brother.” 

“Why would it be weird? He makes you happy.” Love seems to find no flaws in her own logic and smiles serenely. 

Rose nods. “I guess you’re right.” She pushes her hair back out of her eyes. “Hey, do you want… to talk about the tournament?”

Love’s eyes widen slightly at the question. “What do you mean?”

Rose glances around. The two of them are the only people around for dozens of meters. There’s a chance that Rose is interpreting Love’s expressions incorrectly, but she’ll never know if she doesn’t ask. “Um, I mean, is there some reason you avoided talking about your wish? Did something change?” 

Love’s cheeks are flushed and her eyes dart between Rose and the table a few times before she answers. “No, I still have the same wish. I’ve just gotten… sort of used to this body, I guess? It’s weird to think about having my old body back.” 

Rose nods. “If you’re sure that’s all it is, I understand.” Love nods to confirm the statement and then stands and grabs her lunch tray before walking away. 

Rose does understand the strangeness of shifting bodies, perhaps more than anyone else could, even the recent transition back to nearly full time Sean after her time as herself on school break was jarring for a week or so, settling back into this skin. She thinks, not for the first time, about how it would feel to be stuck as Sean the way Love is in her body. Would she forget what it’s like to be herself after a while? She considers the impending end of the school year. If she’s _not_ Sean for long enough will she forget what it’s like to be him too? 

Good calls that night, promptly after his evening lab as promised, and Rose can’t keep the smile off her face when she answers. “Hello.” She says. 

“Hello.” Good says back. 

Every time they talk like this on school nights Rose still has the form of Sean, and part of her wonders if Good is bothered by her voice like this, but it’s just not safe for her to be herself too long in the dorms. Someone would catch her. 

“Did you have dinner yet?” She asks, sitting on the edge of her bed. She tucks one leg underneath the other and pulls a science book out of her bag and sets it on the bed beside her. 

She can hear the hesitance in his voice when he answers and she laughs half way through his quiet “Not yet.” 

“You should eat before you call me.” Rose can hear her own voice sounding slightly more stern than intended, but she can’t help it.

“Sorry… I told you I’d call you after the lab.” Good sounds shy and Rose laughs again. 

“You don’t need to apologize, but if you don’t eat dinner I’m going to tell your sister on you.” 

“Ugh, fine, fine. I’m putting my shoes back on. I’ll go get something from one of the vendors downstairs.” 

The two of them continue their conversation through Good’s walk to the food stalls and even through the eating of his meal. 

“It’s almost like we’re eating together.” Rose says wistfully as Good finishes his meal. “I wish I was there.” Good goes suspiciously silent and Rose suspects he’s blushing about how straightforward she was. “Good, are you still there? Did you choke on your food from embarrassment?” 

“...No. I’m fine.” Good’s voice is quiet and Rose can almost see him sweating and rubbing his face. “I wish you were here too.” 

Rose smiles to herself. She almost wants to tell him she’s proud of him for saying it, but she knows that would just embarrass him more. Before she has a chance to think of the right thing to say next Good speaks up again. 

“Oh, actually, I wanted to tell you something.”

“What is it?” 

“My Friday classes were cancelled so I was thinking of coming home a few days early and staying for the weekend.” 

“Can I see you this weekend then?” Rose asks, a little more excited than her normal composure would usually allow.

“Actually, I promised a few teachers I would visit them anyway when I was back home, so I’m going to be on campus on Friday. Would you, um, do you want to have lunch together?” 

“Yeah!” Rose’s voice cracks in an unflattering way and she regains her composure before continuing. “I mean, yeah. I usually eat with Love anyway.” Rose tries to wipe the smile from her face and fails. “You’re such a nerd, who comes back to visit their high school teachers?” 

The rest of the week seems to drag incredibly slowly in anticipation of Good’s visit. Love of course notices her preoccupation but also knows the cause, and puts up with the amount of times Rose misses the beginning of conversations. 

Friday comes and Rose’s morning classes cause her to miss Good’s arrival, but he’s already sitting with Love, Nuclear, and Menn when she brings her lunch to their table. He looks up and smiles at her approach and Rose wants to do nothing more than kiss him right now. Instead she smiles back and sits across the table from him. 

“Hey Good, what a surprise.” She says with a smirk, opening her drink bottle. 

Good just nods and looks a little embarrassed at Rose’s halfhearted subterfuge. “Hello, Sean.” 

Menn and Nuclear seem oblivious, and carry on their conversation, while Love glances between Good and Rose a couple times before continuing her meal. By the time the meal is over Rose is bristling at keeping this secret and the second Good stands to clear his meal tray she follows. They dispose of the garbage and leftovers from their meals and Rose catches Good by the arm and pulls him into a nearby hall. When they’ve gone far enough she stops and pushes his back against the wall. Rose stands close, but not too close, just enough to revel in the way that she can look down at him when she’s Sean like this. 

“I _hate_ this.” Rose says, almost to herself in its quietness. 

Good’s expression instantly shifts from vague discomfort to concern. “What is it? What’s wrong?” 

Rose glances around them, they are still alone in the hall. “I hate that I can’t touch you.” Good’s jaw drops slightly, not helping at all with Rose’s self control, and she can see the sweat beading at his shirt collar. His face is getting redder by the second. “Anyone who knows about us thinks you’re dating my sister.” Rose sighs in frustration as Good nods nervously. 

Rose checks their surroundings one more time before taking one of Good’s hands in both of hers and wrapping their fingers together. She looks back at Good from under her eyelashes. “Can I see you after school?” 

Good nods. “Yes. I’ll be at home.” 

Rose smiles, a big wide grin she almost never shows as Sean, and checks their surroundings one more time before leaning in and very quickly pecking Good on the cheek. She drops Good’s hand and half jogs back towards the courtyard. “See you then!” She calls over her shoulder, and laughs at Good’s still stunned expression.


	2. So Hard on Yourself

The rest of the day goes by in a blur, and Rose is so uncharacteristically giddy that multiple people notice and comment. Her excuses are subpar, and her attempts to hide her excitement afterwards fail miserably. After her last class of the day Rose heads quickly towards the forest and up the hill towards Good and Love’s house. She keeps her Sean form, unsure if Good’s mother will be home or not, and pushes the hair back out of her face before knocking briskly on the front door. 

Good answers and smiles at her as he gestures for her to enter. 

“Is your mother home?” Rose asks, knowing how suggestive the question sounds and hoping Good understands the real intention. 

Good shakes his head, seemingly oblivious to the connotation. “No.”

Rose nods and pulls a water vial from her bag and drinks it quickly. She watches her own transformation in the reflection of Good’s glasses until the blue-white-purple glow is too bright to bear and forces her eyes shut. She opens her eyes to find herself in her original form, school uniform ill fitting in places and pants far too long. Good seems slightly stunned at her sudden change, and Rose grins to herself while pulling a hair tie out of her bag to tie back her hair. 

“That’s beautiful.” Good says, his voice quiet and shy, and Rose looks up at him with her own eyes wide. She doesn’t have a reply for this, but when their eyes meet she’s filled with such an overwhelming fondness she can feel her cheeks flush. 

She likes how shy he is, but also likes the subtle ways he’s been opening up and getting more comfortable around her. The Good of two weeks ago wouldn’t have dared to make such a comment. She can’t help but notice the difference in his demeanor between now and when she’s Sean, and wonders how he feels about that. 

“Did I make you uncomfortable this afternoon?” She asks, walking with him towards the living room and settling on the couch. “I mean, in a bad way?” 

“I’m not sure what you’re saying.” Good replies, sitting down next to her. 

“By… flirting with you as Sean. If it bothers you I won’t do it again, I just wasn’t really thinking about it this afternoon.” She’s slightly embarrassed because it isn’t that she wasn’t thinking about it, it’s that she hadn’t thought about his feelings about it. She _wants_ to flirt with him because she likes how it feels to be not-quite-herself with that attitude. 

“Oh,” Good looks slightly surprised in a way that Rose can’t interpret, “it’s just… strange.” 

“Being flirted with by someone who looks like a guy?” She ventures. 

Good shakes his head slightly. “No,” he looks her direction, “how easy it was for me to tell it was still you, just with a different face.” 

Rose opens her mouth to reply and then stops, closing her mouth again in confusion. I mean, _sure_ , Good knows the truth, but seeing through Sean’s general demeanor shouldn’t be that easy. She squints her eyes slightly and looks over at Good. She has really let herself be too vulnerable around him, which is somehow both freeing and terrifying to contemplate. “So,” she starts when she can finally speak, “it doesn’t bother you then?”

Good looks away and back at her. “Only that we were on the school campus…”

“Okay.” Rose nods. “So… your mom won’t be home tonight?” 

“She’s out of the country.” 

Rose nods a couple times. “Great.” She leans over and catches Good by his tie and pulls him into a kiss. 

A few hours later Rose and Good are side by side on the couch still, eating noodles from take out boxes. 

“I’ll stay ‘til midnight, but then I’ll go back to the dorms.” Rose says between mouthfuls. 

Good looks puzzled. “The dorms lock at 10pm, right?” 

Rose nods. “I’ve got ways around that.” 

Good’s eyes widen and he looks scandalized. “Did you steal a key?” 

Rose rolls her eyes and laughs. “I mean your sister. Love can open the door for me.” Good lets out a relieved breath and laughs a little. “Believe me, your replacement isn’t nearly as diligent about his hallway checks. I won’t get caught.” 

Good nods. Rose is proud of his willingness to accept her small level of rebellion. 

“Hey, how is Love doing?” Good asks after a few moments of silence. His voice carries a tinge of worry that Rose hasn’t heard today. 

“She’s doing really well.” Rose reassures him. “She has good friends around her, she’s working hard to qualify for the tournament.” 

Good nods and shifts in his seat, putting his now empty food box on the coffee table. “What about you?” 

Rose sets her box down as well. “What _about_ me?” 

Good still seems serious when he responds. “Are you… trying to qualify?” 

At some point earlier in the year Rose had decided she wasn’t going to worry about this. Just like her first year at Great Men, she has other things more important to focus on besides a slight chance at a Unicorn’s wish. “I hadn’t really thought much about it. I still don’t know what I’m doing after graduation…” 

Good still looks worried, but this time he isn’t speaking, just looking between his own hands and the dark windows of the living room. Rose gives him a few seconds to speak before she speaks up again. “What is it?” She asks. 

He shakes his head. “Nothing.” 

“You’re not a great liar, Good.” He looks bothered by the statement and Rose quickly adds to it. “That’s not an insult! It’s just… I can tell you want to say something.” She leans slightly forward and touches his knee with just her fingertips. “Just say it.” 

Good nods slightly and speaks at last. “Do you…” he shakes his head and tries again, “can you try to qualify? For Love?” Rose can read the clear guilt in his eyes but doesn’t fully understand what he’s asking. 

“What do you mean?” She asks.

Good takes a deep breath but manages to look at her. “Last year… well, once I knew she was stuck in her new body, I kept trying to qualify so I could make my wish for her. I know it’s a lot of hard work… and I wouldn’t ask it of you, but… I know you care about her too. Can you do it in my place?”

This is something Rose hasn’t considered, and something she knows she wouldn’t have entertained for a second last year. But Love has done so much for her over the last few months. This feels like something Rose can use to try to pay her back. Rose leans over again and this time takes Good’s hand in her own and holds it tight. She nods. “I’ll try.”

The term continues, the sun is hot overhead and Rose is sweating through her shirt as she runs the boot camp obstacle course. It doesn’t change much from year to year, and by the end of the week they are doing paired teamwork exercises. Rose watches Love on the other end of their tethered arms as she pushes through the obstacles, impressed by her stamina and determination. Rose has spent much of the previous weeks giving thought to what she had agreed to do, and pushes herself harder in these races, vying for one of the top times to increase her own scores and not bring down Love’s. 

She thinks about her own past experience with The Greatest Competition and that wish she so desperately wanted last year. It feels freeing that there is not a part of her that wants to wish for anything to do with Vier. She remembers the wish she begged for and its heavy cost, and the wish that never was… everything so tied in to her love for Vier, everything she’s been working hard to forget and separate from, it feels like it might be working. Perhaps Rose will always be connected to Vier, by some weird weave of magic and sacrifice, but something inside her has learned that she doesn’t need to love him anymore, not if she doesn’t want to. 

Rose stumbles slightly, missing a hole in the pitted ground of the course, and yanks Love to a stop. “You okay?” Love asks over her shoulder as Rose scrambles back to her feet. 

Rose nods and they keep moving. Love glances over at her as they run. “You look distracted, thinking about Good?” 

She shakes her head but gives Love a soft smile. She hadn’t been thinking about him, but now she is. They’ve only been seeing each other for a couple months at this point but she thinks she’s laughed more with him than she has in years. It’s hard to judge whether the way she feels is tied to getting to know him, or just everything else happening in her final term at Great Men. It seems unwise to Rose to think too much about it, she doesn’t want to give herself a chance to obsess and worry over everything. She doesn’t want to repeat her past mistakes. 

The following week Love tells Rose that Tangmo’s university has a break and he’s coming back to visit for a few days. Love has already asked Good if he can come home for the weekend, so that the four of them can go out together. 

“Tangmo still doesn’t know…” Rose gestures to her body, currently in the form of Sean, “about me, right? You didn’t tell him?” 

Love shakes her head. “I told you I wouldn’t tell him and I haven’t. I still think he would be just fine with it though, you don’t have to worry so much.” 

Rose shrugs. It’s not, specifically, Tangmo that she’s worried about. It’s his ongoing best-friendship with Vier, and the thought of him finding out her secret at all, let alone second or third hand is unbearable. 

“So, are you coming?” Love asks hopefully. “Double date?”

She nods. “Yes, I’ll be there.” 

Later that night she texts Good about it. 

_[[?Has Love told you her double date plan]_

_[Yes. I’ll see you this weekend.]_

_[[?Are you nervous]]_

_[How can you tell?]_

_[[.Just guessing. Don’t worry, I’ll help you beat up Tangmo if he’s too handsy]]_

_[Very funny.]_

_[[?You think I’m joking]]_

_[... I hope you’re joking.]_

_[[.Okay, you’re right. Love can handle herself]]_

_[I have to study now, talk to you later.]_

_[[.Goodnight]]_

  
  
Saturday afternoon finds Rose dressed in a long coral colored patterned dress, driving to town to meet Love, Tangmo, and Good for dinner. Her hair is loosely braided over her shoulder and she keeps checking her makeup in the mirror at stoplights. She parks her car a little ways from the restaurant, and quickly realizes this is the same place that her and Good first went together, back during semester break when Love was on her own date. She can see the group from a distance, lingering outside the front of the restaurant, and approaches them with a smile, but _oh._ That’s not who she thought it was. Standing outside the restaurant is Love, Tangmo, and _Vier_.


	3. Only Hard When You Say It's Too Hard

Rose approaches the group in front of the restaurant, eager to see her friends and boyfriend. She’s smiling, and hardly registers the vibration of her phone in her purse before she notices her mistake. It’s Vier. He’s standing, halfway smiling, next to Tangmo in front of the restaurant. Good is nowhere to be seen, and when Love sees her, the expression on Love’s face is suddenly worried. Rose can feel the panic rising in her gut and swallows thickly as she continues to approach. She doesn’t smile anymore, and tries her best to keep her expression as blank as possible. She tries not to look at Vier. 

“Hello.” She says to the group once she’s too close to be silent any longer. “I hope you haven’t been waiting too long for me.” 

Love seems to be broken from a stupor by Rose’s attempt at polite conversation and shakes her head quickly. “We just got here.”

A group passes by them on the street and Rose can feel their eyes. With Love and Tangmo arm in arm the implication that Vier and Rose are the other couple here twists up her guts. Just a broken mirror reflecting the happiness of Love and Tangmo’s relationship. “Is Good here yet? I thought you’d come with him.” 

“I’m here.” Rose hears his voice from behind her, and turns to see him stepping out of the restaurant. He steps up close beside her but doesn’t touch her. “Did you see my text?” He asks quietly to her alone.

Rose shakes her head and then digs her phone out of her purse. 

_[Vier is here. I don’t think Love knew he would come.]_

Too little, too late, unfortunately, but Rose looks at Good in silent thanks all the same. 

“Let’s go in.” Tangmo says, and the group agrees and follows him inside. 

Inside they have a round table with room for all of them. Vier sits between Tangmo and Good, Rose herself between Good and Love. She feels as if she’s in a daze, she cannot process a single thought aside from _don’t look at him_ and _don’t let them see_. She only half comprehends the worried glances that Good and Love exchange across her line of sight, and only really sees the people around her at all when Good gently grabs her fist, currently clenched, sitting on her lap. Rose jerks her hand away instinctively and she watches as Good retreats, putting his hand on the table beside his menu. 

The regret Rose feels for pulling away is nearly instant, and she flexes her hand in a fruitless attempt to release the tension before putting her hand over his on the table and holding. He turns to her and she can see how concerned he looks, but there’s also something else in his expression that she can’t read. He shifts his hand until they can interlock their fingers and brings their hands down off the table. He squeezes her hand, as if to tell her it’s okay for her to hold tighter, and she does so.

“Good,” Vier’s voice, casual and too familiar to Rose’s ear comes across the table and she has to look up at him, “where are you going to school?”

Good nods slightly to acknowledge the question before answering. “It’s a state university in Chiang Mai. You two are in Bangkok?”

Vier nods and his hair falls into his eyes. He pushes it back instinctively. “Yeah.” He says simply. His eyes dart between Good and Rose quickly, before locking back on Good. “How did you meet Rose?” 

She wonders why he can’t look at her, she wasn’t the one who broke his heart most recently, that was the other way around. Rose is momentarily lost in thought before she feels Good’s hand freeze up and she suddenly realizes the problem, they don’t have a story for this question. 

“Through Love.” Good says. 

“Through Sean.” Rose says, nearly simultaneously. 

Love clears her throat and they all glance in her direction. “Sean and I are friends now.” She says by way of explanation and Rose breathes a subtle sigh of relief. “I got to spend some time with Rose through him, and I introduced Rose and Good.” 

Vier seems satisfied with this explanation and nods. “Oh, why didn’t you invite Sean, too? I would have liked to see him, it’s been a long time now.” 

Rose bites the inside of her cheek before speaking. “He’s busy with school work. I’ll tell him you said hi.” She tries to avoid looking at Vier while she speaks, only concentrating on the warmth of Good’s hand holding hers, and the brief eye contact she does eventually manage shows her nothing besides benign friendliness in his expression. 

Tangmo speaks up, asking Vier a different question, and the conversation shifts to something Rose can comfortably ignore. After a few more seconds she releases Good’s hand and excuses herself to the bathroom. Love throws a worried glance in her direction, but she doesn’t stop until she’s in the bathroom, hands pushed against the counter, staring herself in the mirror. 

She tries to take a few deep breaths but they’re becoming more panicked and rapid with every attempt. She can’t seem to make herself calm down. She can’t just sit at that table like a good little girl anymore. She can’t make pleasant casual conversation with him, not when she wasn’t prepared for this. The bathroom door opens slowly and Rose can see Love peek around the edge before stepping fully in and shutting it behind herself. She moves to put a hand on Rose’s shoulder and Rose steps away. 

“Why is he here?” She asks Love, voice suddenly cold. If Love was truly her friend she wouldn’t have let Vier be here, she would have warned her at least. 

“I didn’t know he would be.” Her voice is quiet, like she’s talking to a wild animal. 

“Whatever.” Rose says, hardly processing anything aside from her own narrative that Love did this to her. She sticks her hand into her purse and fiddles with the water vial inside, wishing desperately for the escape of being someone else right now. “I’m leaving.” 

She pushes past Love and leaves the bathroom and walks straight past their table and out the front of the restaurant. She hears Tangmo’s voice first, and then Good’s calling out after her but she doesn’t stop. 

She’s half a block away from the restaurant when Good catches her arm to stop her. She pulls her arm away quickly but stops and turns to face him. 

“Rose,” he says, half panting and worried, “are you okay?” 

She can’t help but roll her eyes and bark out an indignant laugh. “Do I look okay?” She pushes a few loose strands of hair off her forehead with both hands and shakes her head. “I’m--” she sees now that Love, Tangmo, and Vier have caught up, but have stopped about 30 feet back. They all look worried. Even _Vier_ has the _gall_ to look worried about her!

She shakes her head again. “I’m leaving, I shouldn’t be here.” She turns to go again and Good catches her arm again, this time he steps in front of her instead of letting her turn around. He keeps a tight grip on her arm. 

“I can come with you.” He says. His voice is shaking. He glances between her face and the others behind her. “I don’t want you to be alone.” 

She doesn’t know what it is, but in that moment something about his voice cuts through the irrational panic and she hears him. She smiles softly just a little. It’s a nice sentiment, for sure, but she’s always been alone. 

Rose gently holds him by both cheeks and kisses him once, quickly. He looks a little stunned and that’s sweet, too, he really seems to care. She glances over her shoulder and sees Love and Tangmo, arms hooked together and looking concerned. She sees Vier, but can’t see his face as he turns to walk away. She can’t help the smirk that crosses her face as she turns back forward. She doesn’t look up at Good. 

“Just let me go.” She says softly. “I’m fine being alone.” 

Good’s grip on her arm softens and he lets her walk away. She takes a few steps past him before stopping, “I’ll call you later.” She says over her shoulder. 

When she reaches her car she drives quickly away from the restaurant before pulling over on the side of the road. Her gym bag is in the backseat, and she pulls on sweat pants and a hoodie before wiggling out of her dress and tossing it unceremoniously behind her. She pulls the vial from her purse and swallows the water inside. Even as her body changes the tears on her cheek remain, and she wipes them away as she checks her face in the rearview mirror. There’s still a wild look of half panic in her eyes that she blinks away until her expression is perfectly controlled. She drives the rest of the way to the school. 

When she gets back to her dorm she takes a shower and tries to process everything that just happened. She feels angry still, but who is she even mad at? The conclusion she comes to is that she is only mad at herself for being unable to control her emotions. Who is mad at her? Well, that’s a longer list, probably everyone who was at the restaurant. She had hoped, even thought it was possible, that she was over Vier, but seeing him so suddenly without any warning made her snap like a tightly wound rubber band. She remembers his face, the benign friendliness, and tries to think back to what she felt in that moment. It was nothing but fear and loss of control. She realizes now that she didn’t feel drawn to him at all.

She remembers Good reaching for her hand, and then her reaching back for him. How he held her hand beneath the table and just for a split second she found solace in that contact. He followed her when she ran. He didn’t even seem angry when she was snapping at him and being rude. Sometimes she really doesn’t understand him. 

Once out of the shower she texts Good. 

_[[.I’m back at the dorms. I’m fine]]_

_[Okay.]_

  
  


She doesn’t hear from Love or Good for the rest of the weekend, and even at school on Monday Love seems standoffish and avoids eye contact. Rose approaches her the first chance that she gets. 

“Hey, what’s going on?” She asks.

Love looks surprised and glances around as if unsure that Rose is talking to her. “Are you not mad at me?” 

Rose squints. “Why would I be mad at you?” 

Love looks around nervously. “For… you know… Vier?” 

Rose exhales and shakes her head slightly as if to clear it. “You told me you didn’t know he was coming.” 

Love nods expressively. “I didn’t! I promise!”

“Then why would I be mad at you?” 

“So,” Love says quietly, “you’re not mad?” 

Rose shakes her head. “I’m not mad… Oh!” Rose realizes that while she is not mad at Love, Love has every right to be mad at her, even if she isn’t, she deserves an apology. “I should say sorry to you. I apologize for walking out of the restaurant like that.” She bows slightly and Love nods in return.

“It’s alright. You were upset.” Love replies. “You should talk to Good, though.” 

Rose cocks her head in confusion. “I texted him when I got home Saturday but we haven’t talked since. Why do you say that?” 

Love shrugs a little. “He seemed upset.” 

Rose nods slowly and tucks her hands in her pockets. “I’ll call him tonight. Thanks, Love… for everything.” 

Rose calls Good in the evening but he doesn’t answer. 

_[[Good. Are you okay? You didn’t answer the phone.]]_

She doesn’t get a response. Worried, she calls Love instead. 

“Good isn’t answering my calls or texts. You said he seemed upset, is there something else? Is he okay?”

Love must hear the concern in Rose’s voice because she quickly promises to call him herself and call Rose back. Rose paces her dorm while she waits. She needs to see him. Could she drive to Chiang Mai tonight? Probably. She grabs a bag and starts throwing clothes into it. By the time Love calls her back all she needs is Good’s dorm address and she’ll be out the door. 

“He says he’s okay.” Love’s report is lackluster, but Rose still breathes a sigh of relief to hear from Good secondhand. 

“I’m going to go see him. Can you give me his dorm address?” 

A pregnant pause, and Rose can hear Love take a deep breath before she replies. “Rose. You can’t.” 

“Why can’t I? It’s only a few hours away, I have a car.” 

“It’s Monday, you have class in the morning.” Love says slowly, as if explaining something simple to a child. “We have a physical education test in the afternoon.” 

Rose almost says she doesn’t care about that, that classes matter less than knowing Good is okay, but she remembers her promise to him. Try to qualify for the tournament. Get Love her wish, no matter what. She sighs. She has to do this for Love. “You’re right.” 

“Look,” Love says, seemingly placated by Rose’s agreement, “you know he’s okay. If he still isn’t talking to you by the weekend I’ll give you the address, does that work for you?” 

Everything in her body resists the idea of waiting that long to know what’s going on with him, but it’s the best she can do. She has to be here for the school week, and her only recourse is to keep texting and calling him in the meantime. “Fine. Can you ask him to call me back, though?”

Love makes an affirmative noise. “Of course.” 

Rose takes a deep breath that comes out as half a sigh. “Thanks.” She hangs up the phone and tosses her backpack on the bed before flopping down next to it herself. She can wait. She’ll have to wait.


	4. Feeling Empty Outside of Your Outline

Rose spends the rest of the week anxiously hoping Good will call or text her. She wakes up each day, sends him a  _ good morning _ text, and begins her day of unfulfilled anticipation. She goes home after her classes and ends the day by sending him a  _ good night _ text that appears on her screen back to back with the good mornings, all unanswered, all unread. 

Friday afternoon she asks Love for his dorm address and saves it in her phone when Love tells her. After classes she throws together a mixture of clothes into a backpack and gets in her car immediately for the drive to the city. After a few hours of driving and no small difficulty finding parking, Rose shows up, still looking like Sean and still wearing her school uniform, at the door to Good’s dorm with her bag slung over her shoulder. She knocks at his door. 

After a few seconds of shuffling and the sound of unlocking the door is opened and Rose sees an unfamiliar face. A young guy with dark hair hanging into his eyes and a confused expression on his face looks at her in a silent question. 

“Is Good here?” She asks, glancing beyond the man at the door into the room. 

The man scratches the side of his head. “Uh, I haven’t seen you before… who are you?” 

Rose is impatient but contains the impending eye roll. “I’m his g-, I’m his junior from school.” 

The man, who must be Good’s roommate, seems to take in Rose’s uniform for the first time at the mention of school, and his eyes widen in excitement. “Wow, that is a Great Men Academy uniform… huh. Well, you can come in,” he steps back from the doorway and opens the door wide, “Good will be back from his lab in like 10 minutes probably. What’s your name anyway?” 

Rose steps inside past him and lets him shut the door. “I’m Sean.” 

The roommate walks past Rose where she stands in the entryway and plops down on his bed. “I’m Phai. Nice to meet you. You can wait over there.” He gestures at what must be Good’s desk and Rose crosses the room to take a seat. 

She looks at the desk itself, mostly tidy with every manner of pen and pencil a student might need. A detailed calendar hangs on the wall behind it, dictating Good’s school and personal life alike. She sees her name more than once, indicating their phone calls. She frowns a bit seeing the scheduled calls for this week, a schedule that went unfollowed. She considers texting him to let him know she’s here, but there’s a part of her that’s afraid he might avoid coming home just to avoid seeing her. 

Good is expectedly punctual, and arrives just when his roommate said he would. He enters the room and closes the door behind him before noticing Rose. He stops dead and drops his bag when he sees her. “R- Sean. What are you doing here?” 

Rose stands. “We need to talk.” 

Phai seems to sense the very obvious tension between the two of them and stands up from his bed. “I’m gonna… give you two some space.” He mumbles, slips on some shoes and leaves the room. 

Good doesn’t speak, even after Phai is gone, simply stands in the entryway looking at her blankly. Rose closes the distance between them until they’re standing eye to eye. “Why aren’t you talking to me?” She keeps her voice even and deep, as quiet as she can manage. 

Good steps around her and sits on the edge of his bed. “You don’t know?” 

“No!” She says, too loudly. She continues in a quiet voice. “Sorry… if I knew what was wrong I wouldn’t have begged Love for your address and driven four hours to get here. Look,” she crosses over to where he sits and stands just across from him, almost knee to knee with less than a meter between them, “I’m sorry I was so upset at that dinner. I’m not mad at you or anyone, I was just… overwhelmed. I’m over it now.” 

Good is looking down, staring at his hands on top of his thighs. He loosens his tie. “I’m not.” Rose takes a step forward, hovering over him until their knees are nearly touching and all she can see is the back of his head where he looks down. She doesn’t know what to say, and just waits for him to explain. She’ll wait as long as it takes. Good finally continues. “Why did you kiss me like that?” 

Rose doesn’t know what he means and wishes desperately that she could see his face, get  _ some _ kind of read on his mood, but she’s afraid to touch him. “I wanted…” She starts, and then takes a deep breath before continuing. “I wanted to kiss you, you were being nice to me. You seemed worried… and I thought that would convince you that I was okay to leave alone.” 

At this Good looks up, eyes wide and staring in disbelief. “Is that true?” 

Rose looks him in the eyes and nods. “Yes.” She says definitively. “Did you… did it seem like something else?” Rose thinks back to the moment, where it felt like she could do nothing but repay his sweetness with a kiss. She remembers her sudden shyness, and glancing back at the others where they stood. She remembers seeing Vier turn away. 

Good starts to reach for her hand and then stops. Rose closes the distance, taking his outreached hand in both of hers. He stares at their hands now instead of looking up at her. “Are you sure you weren’t using me to make him jealous? Can you promise me that?” 

Rose feels her muscles lock up in sudden shock at his accusation and then drops quickly to her knees on the floor in front of him. She keeps his hand in hers but looks up to see his face. “I wasn’t.” She says earnestly, hoping he will believe her. “I promise.” She pauses to see his reaction, but he’s hard to read. “I was so freaked out that whole time. I was just afraid.” There’s no doubt in her mind that she’s telling Good the truth in this moment. All she wanted to do was escape that horrible moment. 

“What were you afraid of?” Good asks, still not looking at her. 

“Seeing Vier.” 

“Because you’re still in love with him?” Good’s voice is hardly above a whisper and she can hear the pain behind it. 

She doesn’t know what to say to this, and in her hesitation Good tries to pull his hand free. The movement breaks her from her stupor and she holds him tight. “I’m not…” She says, knowing suddenly that it’s true. “I think I’m in love with you instead.” Now she is the one looking down, staring at the creases in her own slacks, at a scuff on Good’s shoe, terrified to know what Good’s expression looks like right now. 

She watches from the corner of her eye as Good’s free hand moves slowly until he’s nearly touching her cheek, but he only holds it close and pauses. She waits. She closes her eyes. The touch of his hand on her cheek sends a shiver down her spine and when he tilts her head upwards she finally opens her eyes. His expression is almost as blank as before, a solid neutrality not betraying any truths, but there’s something there at the edges of his eyes, a hint of a smile that he’s trying to hide. 

“Really?” He asks, his voice heartbreakingly hopeful. 

Rose nods. “I don’t think I love him anymore. And this week has been hell without you.” At this point Rose knows she’s failing to hide her own smile, but she tries nonetheless. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you.” Good says, and he is smiling now, no longer able to hide it. He pulls his hand away from her face and wipes his own cheek of something that could be sweat or silent tears. “I was afraid you were going to break up with me.” 

Rose shakes her head, still smiling. “Can I stay here tonight?” 

He looks like he wants to say yes, but he stops himself. “Let me ask Phai.” Good stands up to get his phone and Rose stands up from her place on the floor and instead sits on the edge of the bed. 

“Wait,” she says, stopping him mid-text, “should I… am I staying over as your school junior or your girlfriend?”

Good’s mouth drops open a bit, and he looks at her, fully taking in the fact that she came here looking like Sean perhaps for the first time. “If you… don’t mind staying as Sean that’s probably better for Phai. I mean, more appropriate. I can sleep on the floor either way.” 

Rose nods and leans back on her hands on the bed. 

When Phai returns he glances between the two of them with no small amount of confusion, seemingly attempting to gauge the situation in the room. Rose can read when he accurately settles on some level of  _ couple drama _ . She wonders if he thinks Good is gay, and if he does, he seems alarmingly okay with the whole thing. 

The three of them order some dinner and enjoy the meal in the dorm room. Rose learns more about Phai. He’s in the same faculty as Good, but a different major, and she quickly learns that the dynamic between the two of them is not dissimilar to when Rose and Love gang up on Good to tease him. Phai has only known Good for less than a year but already knows the ways to make him embarrassed in a way that Rose likes probably too much. 

They all talk late into the night, until Phai ends up falling asleep. Rose takes her moment, as midnight approaches, to sneak down to her car and complete her transformation. Good gives her his keycard. When Rose comes back, entering as quietly as possible, Good has finished getting ready for bed and is sitting on top of his blankets, leaning against the wall and reading a book. The only light in the room is his bedside lamp and Phai is still snoring softly. Rose quickly uses the bathroom to get ready for bed, and when she returns Good goes to stand up out of the bed. 

“Don’t bother.” She whispers to him as she approaches. “Phai is already asleep and we’ve shared before.” 

Good glances sidelong at his dorm room bed. It’s substantially smaller than his bed at home. “Not since… you know.” He says and rubs the side of his neck in that way he does when he’s embarrassed. 

Rose wants to laugh but smiles to stay quiet. He seems so nervous to sleep in the same bed with her now and she finds it alarmingly endearing. She crosses around the other side of the bed and crawls under the covers, just as Good clicks off the lamp. Just by them both being in the bed they are already touching, shoulder to hip while Good is still sitting up, and there’s nothing Rose can do to avoid it without falling off the other side. 

“I can take the floor if you’re worried.” She says, having no intention of allowing Good to take the floor himself. He doesn’t answer so she continues in a whisper. “Come on, just lay down already, please?” 

She can just see in the moonlight through the window when Good glances between sleeping Phai and back at Rose. “Fine.” He says, and crawls under the covers until he’s laying down. 

While shoulder to shoulder they are both dangerously close to the edges of the bed, and Rose takes the opportunity to turn on her side, facing him. Good has taken his glasses off in the intervening seconds, but she can see his eyes are wide open. “Are you okay?” She whispers. 

“Mm. I’m fine.” He replies, before rolling on his side but facing away from her. 

Rose realizes the opportunity when she sees it, and thanks the Unicorn for her longer limbs in this form, making it easy for her to scoot slightly forward and wrap her arm around Good’s back until her hand is on his chest. She can feel where his muscles tense at her touch. 

“Is this okay?” She asks, her mouth close enough to his ear that her breath moves his hair. He nods a little, careful to avoid hitting her with his head, and lets her slide her other arm under his pillow. 

They lay this way for a long time, and Rose can feel as Good’s pounding heart eventually slows to a normal pace. Her own eventually follows suit. Just when she’s nearly asleep a soft voice wakes her. 

“I think I’m in love with you too.” Good whispers, presumably to himself. 

Rose wonders if he can feel how her heart pounds in her chest even as she tries to feign sleep. 


	5. Look in the Mirror 'til I Forget

Rose wakes up first and her head is resting on Good’s chest. His arm is wrapped around her and their legs are intertwined beneath the blanket. She takes a few seconds to listen to his steady heartbeat before opening her eyes. She hears a shifting movement from the other side of the room and opens one eye to peer Phai’s direction. Phai is already sitting up in bed and simply raises his eyebrows in a knowing and suggestive look, before scratching his head and walking to the bathroom. 

Once they’re alone Rose shifts slightly until her face is next to Good’s on the pillow. “Good, wake up.” She watches as his eyes flutter open and he squints at the light and then almost immediately blushes at her proximity. 

“Phai--” Good protests.

“In the shower.” Rose counters. 

He looks mildly relieved that they aren’t being witnessed. She wants to kiss him and for once, she doesn’t have a reason to stop herself. She leans over to kiss him on the cheek. “I should probably get going.” 

Good turns, either in reaction to the kiss or her statement, until they’re facing each other with their heads on the pillow. “It’s Saturday.” Good starts, and Rose nods slightly. “Spend the day with me.” 

Rose rests her hand on the side of his neck, cupping his jaw. “Absolutely.” 

The morning routine is slightly interrupted by Rose’s presence, and they have to figure out the logistics of saying goodbye to Sean, only for Rose to meet Good outside the dorm building, but they manage it, and Rose says a pleasant farewell to Phai before leaving. 

Rose has to roll up her jeans, as they’re designed for Sean’s body, and her sweatshirt is slightly oversized, but at least she’s dressed comfortably when Good meets her in front of the building. Good himself is in one of his casual outfits, if tucking a polo shirt into a pair of dark jeans can be called casual. She takes his hand immediately and wraps their fingers together. It’s not even 10AM on a Saturday morning, so the sidewalk outside the dorm is mostly deserted. “What do you want to do today?” Rose asks. “I haven’t spent a lot of time in Chiang Mai for years.” 

They get breakfast together first, and eat their food while walking the streets. Good tells her all about campus, and shows her every building that he knows along their path. Rose just holds his hand as long as possible, and listens with as much attention as she can. She can’t help but imagine a future where this is them next year, walking around this same campus together, hand in hand. 

“I’ve decided to take the entrance exams.” She tells him as they cross a street and he nearly stumbles. 

“Really?” He sounds excited. “Are-”

“As Rose… as myself.” She clarifies and Good smiles. “I might not get accepted to many places…” 

Good gives a matter of fact nod. “What faculty are you looking to pursue?” Rose can tell he’s already running numbers, calculating her best chances for admission based on the data he has. 

“I’m not sure yet..” She says. Neither of them say she should apply for the same school as him, but Rose can tell they’re both thinking it. 

They spend the rest of the day together and return to Good’s dorm in the evening after dinner. Phai is home and looks surprised at Rose’s sudden appearance. 

“Um, hey Good, who’s this?” He asks, and Rose realizes their mistake. Phai never met  _ her _ . 

“This is Rose. My girlfriend.” Good says, and Rose’s heart leaps at the introduction. 

She gives Phai a polite bow. “Nice to meet you.” 

He bows back. “I’m Phai, Good’s roommate.” Phai gives Good a suspicious glance. “What happened to the guy… yesterday?”

Rose speaks up first, hoping to assuage Phai’s concern. “He’s my little brother. He… came to talk to Good for me. He went home this morning.” She keeps her voice light, but there’s a steel behind it to let Phai know that there are no secrets here, she knows it all. 

Phai’s suspicion doesn’t really ease, but he accepts Rose’s comment as the truth. Both Good and Rose purposely ignore the way he glances at them. Phai, himself, seems to be getting ready for some sort of evening activity and Rose asks him what the occasion is. 

“There’s a party some of my seniors are throwing tonight.” He explains, checking his hair in a mirror near his desk. 

“Oh really?” Rose asks, sounding interested, and Phai looks surprised when he glances back at her.

“Good never comes so I just stopped inviting him.” Phai laughs, and Good doesn’t even bother to look ashamed. “You’re welcome to join though, and if you can manage to drag him along the more the merrier.” 

It ends up being surprisingly easy to convince Good to go, and Rose uses their dorm bathroom to change into one of the outfits in her bag that actually fits her, a high waisted black skirt that hugs her hips, a loose sheer blue blouse, and low strappy heels. Good seems surprised when she steps out and Phai offers an appreciative eyebrow raise. 

“What?” She asks. “It’s a party, right?” She can’t do much with her hair or makeup, so that’ll have to be okay how it is, but she shakes her hair out of its ponytail and lets it hang loose around her shoulders. 

The three of them share a taxi to the party. It’s at a house a little ways off campus, and appears to be hosted by some older students that Phai knows, and Good recognizes but doesn’t greet. The common areas of the house are packed with students in various states of sobriety. Rose clings tightly to Good’s arm, and he seems to cling just as tightly back. They’re offered drinks shortly after their arrival and Rose takes one. 

Good looks at her and shakes his head slightly. “Not legal.” He says under his breath. 

She leans over closer to his ear to speak. “It is for me, remember?” She smiles and takes a second drink from the person offering. “You should have one.” 

“... Are you sure?” Good asks. 

Rose examines the drinks, she judges that they are almost certainly half warm beer. Nothing that’ll hurt more than their taste buds, but it's been a long time since she’s drank. She looks back at Good, who is looking questioningly at her. “Just one, I’ll take care of you.” She offers him the cup.

He takes it, and she clinks their cups together with a subpar plastic click. “Cheers.” She says, and throws back hers in a few quick gulps, eager to get it out of the way. Someone nearby offers an impressed whistle and Rose laughs. Good is slower to sip, and grimaces each time he swallows. 

“Not so bad, right?” She asks, laughing. 

“It’s awful.” Good says.

“I know.” She laughs again. “You’re not meant to sip warm beer, but I won’t rush you.” She keeps a tight grip on his free arm and watches him attempt a bigger gulp, and another, until he finishes the cup. 

“Where d’you think the trash can is in this place?” He asks as soon as he’s finished making a disgusted face at his final swallow and Rose laughs too loudly and trails off into giggles she can’t control. They hold onto each other until they find a place to dispose of their cups that seems reasonably like a trashcan. It doesn’t take long for Rose to realize that just one weak drink has made her tipsy, and that she can’t stop giggling at everything Good says, no matter how serious. 

Good is tipsy enough to accept the next drinks they’re offered, and they cheers again before downing them as quickly as possible. A few minutes later they are both slightly off balance but still clinging to each other. Rose suddenly realizes she needs to find the restroom and spots Phai across the party. She drags Good in that direction. 

“Phai!” She calls, too loudly from too close. “Can you watch him? I have to use the bathroom.” She shrugs the shoulder that’s holding Good, who is only slightly more off balance than she is. 

Phai laughs. “You got him to drink? Amazing.” He grabs Good’s free arm and hefts a decent portion of his weight. “Yeah, yeah, he’ll be right here, I promise.” Phai lets Good collapse into the cushioned chair behind him and then pats him on the head twice. Rose laughs, and stumbles her way, alone to find a bathroom. It’s simple enough for her to find, though the line takes a while to clear, and by the time Rose has done her business and returned to find Good the party has slightly quieted down and Phai is kneeling next to Good in his chair. 

“So, who was that guy  _ really? _ ” Phai is asking, and Rose stops approaching. She stands just out of sight, wondering what Phai is asking Good when she’s not around. 

“My girlfriend.” She hears Good say, slightly slurred. He takes off his glasses and squeezes the bridge of his nose before returning his glasses to their place, albeit slightly crooked. 

Phai straightens them. “No, no.” He says. “The  _ guy _ .” He emphasizes. “The handsome  _ guy _ you slept in the same bed with last night.” 

Good keeps shaking his head. “My girlfriend, yeah. Wait, she  _ is _ handsome, isn’t she? Is that gay?” 

Rose laughs but things are maybe getting a little dangerous for her liking, and she steps up until Phai notices her. “Hey Good. You look sleepy.” 

“Don’t worry about what he was saying.” Phai says quickly. “He was talking nonsense.” 

Rose is both happy and unsettled that Good has a friend in Phai who is willing to help him hide what looks to Phai like cheating. 

“I didn’t hear anything.” She lies and grabs Good’s arm to heft him up out of the chair. “Come on, boyfriend, let’s get you home.” 

Rose is able to call them a taxi, and Good rests his head on her shoulder the whole way back to the dorm. They make their way upstairs, both still slightly wobbly, with Rose supporting Good slightly more than he’s supporting her. Rose is happy to be free of his weight when he flops back onto his bed. She gets glasses of water for both of them and makes sure that Good drinks his. He keeps knocking his glasses slightly askew accidentally, and eventually Rose just takes them and sets them on the bedside table before she sits on the bed next to him. 

“Thanks.” He says, and she can hear already he’s sounding a little more sober. “Hey, what was I talking to Phai about?” 

Rose laughs and lays back on the bed, laying sideways across it with her knees dangling off the end. “You told him Sean was your girlfriend.” She says with a smile and pushes her hair back off her face with both hands, holding her head for a second. 

Good puts one leg up on the bed and tucks it underneath himself so he can turn to face where she’s laying. “Ugh.” He says, sounding embarrassed. “I mean, Sean  _ is _ my girlfriend, but that was dumb, I could have told him too much.” He pats her thigh to make sure she’s paying attention. “Don’t let me drink again.” 

Rose opens her eyes and sits back up, leaning back on her hands. “You also said Sean was handsome, and then asked if thinking that makes you gay.” She’s not quite sure if she should laugh about it or not, and Good’s expression isn’t giving her any hints. “Is that something you’re actually worrying about? I told you before, I don’t have to… we don’t have to be like a couple when I’m Sean. If it bothers you or makes you think too much, I’ll stop.” 

Good isn’t making eye contact now and looks embarrassed. “No it’s fine… it’s good. I want you to be yourself.” 

Rose shakes her head. “Wait, mixed signals here. Is it fine if I’m Sean sometimes or do you want me to be myself? You said both there.” 

Good looks confused at her response but looks her in the eyes. “No, I just mean… I meant whatever body you choose to be in is you being yourself.”

Rose takes a few delayed seconds to wrap her mind around this concept, so foreign to her philosophy of keeping Sean separate from herself. She has to admit, ever since Love and Good have known the truth the line has been harder to hold, and, especially with Good, easier to cross. The question is still there, is Sean just her or does his identity matter? He’s always been happier, at least until recently, more laid back. Sean has a confidence that stymies Rose at times. Could it be possible that there’s no real difference between them at all?

She shakes her head slightly, pushing the thoughts away until she’s more sober and probably alone. “That’s sweet.” She settles on as a response, and leans across until she can hug Good. He hugs her back. She pulls Good back, forcing him to fall on his side into the bed next to her. “I’m tired.” Rose says into the crook of his neck. 

“We can’t…” Good says, but he doesn’t pull away, just slightly adjusts until they’re more comfortably holding each other. 

“Just let me stay like this until Phai comes home.” 

She can feel Good nod, and his voice sounds sleepy when he replies. “Mm. Okay, just until Phai comes home.”

Rose isn’t sure if her or Good falls asleep first, but they’re in each other’s arms either way.


	6. Oh, You'll Get Through

Phai doesn’t come home, and Good and Rose wake, limbs wrapped together, feeling a little gross and uncomfortable but entirely unwilling to move. Eventually Rose says goodbye and makes herself drive back to school, spending the whole drive thinking of how nice it felt to wake up next to Good.

Selection for The Greatest Competition is at the end of the following week. This week is for studying, next week is finals. Rose has double checked, and both Love and herself are in the potential range to qualify at this point, but there might be other students with higher scores ready to take their places. 

Good sends them both his old study guides, and Rose and Love spend their evenings poring over them, trying to cram every last bit of knowledge in their heads before the finals for each of their classes. 

Their first final is for Physical Education, and they both run their hearts out, finishing the course before most of all the other competitors, leaving them gasping on the ground but so happy they could sing. 

In the end, both Love and Rose get their spot in the tournament. Nuclear takes the first position, and they all congratulate each other, along with Menn who didn’t apply this year. 

Sometime late Saturday afternoon Rose comes to the terrifying conclusion that it’s likely that something in the tournament could reveal her identity, much like what happened to Love last year. She knows she can’t back out, she’s been working for months to make sure Love has another chance at her wish and she’s made it now. She calls Good to ask his advice. 

“Should I just tell people first?” She asks, half in hysterics. “It’s not anyone’s business, though!” 

Good makes a reassuring noise. “You’re right, but it’s up to you. Who are you most worried about telling?” 

_Vier_ , she thinks, but pauses just a second before answering. “I don’t know.” 

He isn’t fooled. “Do you want to meet with Vier to talk to him about it?” 

Rose sighs deeply, impressed and ashamed that Good could read her so easily. “I don’t think he’ll want to meet with me.” 

“He’ll meet with Sean.” Good sounds confident, and Rose knows he’s right, but that disparate relationship is one of the things that makes talking to Vier so hard in the first place. She stares at Sean’s face in the mirror. “What are you most afraid of?” Good continues after her silence. 

Rose’s voice is quiet when she answers. “What if he’s mad?” 

“I can be there with you.” Good offers, and though Rose thinks his presence wouldn’t be a huge comfort in the face of an angry Vier, it’s sweet nonetheless. 

“Do you really think I should tell him?” She hopes he’ll say no, that he’ll tell her it’s okay to back out, to just give up and keep hiding. 

“It’s not my decision, Rose. But if you want to tell him I’ll help you set it up.” 

She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “Okay… let me think about it.” 

She spends the evening thinking through as many ways that this scenario could play out as she can imagine. Just after midnight she texts Good. 

_[[?I want to tell him. Can you set it up]]_

_[Before the tournament?]_

_[[.Yes]]_

_[[.Thank you]]_

_[[.I love you]]_

_[I love you, too. I’ll let you know when it’s set up.]_

There’s a week of preparation before the tournament, and Good lets her know that Vier has agreed to ‘coach’ Love and Sean on tournament techniques in two days at a cafe in town. Apparently Vier will be here anyway, which strikes Rose as lucky or very unlucky, she can’t decide which. Good tells her he’ll be nearby, ready to back her up as much or as little as she wants. 

When she arrives at the cafe as Sean in jeans and a t-shirt, Vier and Love are already at a table. Vier stands when she enters and crosses the distance between them to give a handshake that morphs into a quick hug. “It’s been so long, dude. How have you been?” Vier asks, sounding genuinely happy. 

Rose plasters a smile on her face and nods along. “Great, man. Doing well.” 

Vier sits back down at the table and Rose sits across from him, with Love to her right. She looks at Vier now, really looks in the way that she used to, before she walked away. He looks the same, she decides, maybe a little less stressed, a little more happy. He was happy like this back when they were first together, before her first mistake. He was never this happy since, she doesn’t think, and in the long time that she loved him one sided he was always focused, always single minded about his goals. He never laughed at jokes the way he is today. She wonders how, after all this, that she isn’t falling for him again. 

She hears the small ding as the cafe door opens and glances over her shoulder to see Good enter. He offers a small wave and she smiles back before he looks away to take his seat at a table across the cafe from them. She has to concentrate to wipe the smile from her face after seeing him. This is what it’s supposed to feel like to like someone, she decides, and she never felt like this as a teenager. She wants to go to Good and hold his hand, she wants to hug him, but she knows that isn’t their plan. 

Rose pays more attention to Love and Vier’s conversation happening without her. Vier definitely seems happier. She wonders if losing was somehow good for him. 

She wonders if losing him was somehow good for her, too. 

Their conversation lulls and Love looks to Rose, knowing what they’re really meant to be doing here. Rose takes a deep breath and quickly glances over at Good and then back to Vier. “I’ve got something I need to tell you, Vier.” She wants to say _just in case_ , just in case the tournament reveals her secret, but that feels cheap. It feels selfish in a way that she doesn’t want Vier to know that she is. 

He seems a little surprised by her serious tone, but eager to listen. Love looks nervously between the two of them. 

“I’ve thought… a lot… about how to tell you this. I worried you’d be mad, or never talk to me again.” She stops and takes a deep breath. “And I can live with that now.” 

Vier is silent but now looks confused. Rose squeezes her hands into fists on her lap, and Love reaches over to hold one of them. 

“There is no Sean.” She says, sitting there with Sean’s face, in Sean’s clothes, speaking with Sean’s voice. “There never has been.” 

“What do you mean?” Vier asks quickly. “Sean-” 

“I’m Rose.” She interrupts him and his mouth drops open. 

“You’re…” His voice trails off in confusion. 

“You know what happened with Love,” Rose glances Love’s direction and receives a reassuring nod, “I made the same wish, but… I did it first. And hid it better.” 

Vier looks like he’s in shock. “I don’t believe this…” He says, mostly to himself. 

“I can’t show you right here.” Rose glances around the cafe. “But I can prove it.” 

Vier shakes his head in disbelief again. “No, I mean… This is just… do you even have a brother?” 

Rose looks down at her lap again, the weight of the guilt and the lies fully resting on her shoulders. She can’t look at him anymore. Something about him not being mad has made this whole thing worse. She shakes her head and stares at Love’s hand covering her own. “No.” She answers. “And I never went to Boston, I was here… Sean was here.” 

They sit in a silence that grows ever more imposing as it lingers, she doesn’t look up at Vier and he doesn’t speak until she thinks she might shatter into pieces simply from the pressure of the air around her. “Why?” He asks finally. 

“Because I was in love with you.” After all this, an easy answer, and she says it before she can give it more than a cursory thought. At this she hears the shifting of Vier’s body and looks up to find he’s looking at her as well. He still looks confused, but now he looks hurt as well. Rose feels the tears welling at the edges of her eyes. She suddenly knows that she _can’t_ be Sean right now. She can’t be wrapped in proof of all the lies she told him like this. 

She stands up, very suddenly, and pulls her hand free from Love’s, walking quickly to the bathroom. She notices Good stand up to help and she waves him off. In the bathroom she locks the door and pulls a water vial from her bag before swallowing the contents. She doesn’t look at herself in the mirror, she adjusts Sean’s clothes on her body best she can by feel and looking down at them. She folds the hem of her pants a few times, ties her hair back into a bun, wipes the tears from the edges of her eyes, and goes back to the cafe. 

Good has moved to share the table with Love and Vier, leaving Rose’s seat. Vier looks up at her with open shock on his face. 

She sits down and looks at her lap again. “I’m sorry.” 

She hears Vier take a shaky breath. “So, it’s true.” He almost sounds like he’s talking to himself as well as her. “Am I the last to know?” 

Rose shakes her head and looks up at him from under her eyelashes. “Love was the first.” She notes the slight shock on Love’s face at that, like she didn’t realize that that moment in the bathroom last year was the first time Rose told anyone the truth. “Good was the second, he found out by accident. No one else knows, except you now. I’m going to tell more people, maybe after the tournament… or after graduation when Sean… When I don’t have to be Sean anymore.”

Vier nods, as if hearing that detail helped him put something together in his head. He glances between Rose and Love. “No Tangmo?” 

Rose shakes her head again. “I asked Love not to tell him… I knew he’d tell you.” 

Vier keeps looking at her, like he can’t bring himself to look away, and Rose shifts uncomfortably under his gaze. She sees Good’s hand on the table and grabs it with one of hers, just for stability, for something to focus on to keep her in this moment. Good glances at her and they lock eyes before Rose looks back at Vier. 

Vier doesn’t say anything about that, though Rose can tell that he wants to. He wipes his face with both hands and takes a deep breath. “So what are you doing after graduation then?” 

His voice is a mask over the emotion it previously held. Rose knows it when she hears it, but she accepts that he’s doing what he needs to do. He’s trying harder to be nice than she deserves. 

“Entrance exams again, I suppose. And back to university, if anyone of them will have me after all this time.” Good squeezes her hand encouragingly. 

Vier scoots his chair back suddenly and they all look to him. “I think I should go.” 

Rose opens her mouth to protest but stops. She has to let him go, and she doesn’t have the right to stop him. He stands up and pushes his chair back in before he stops. He looks at both Rose and Love. “Good luck in the tournament.” His voice sounds genuine. 

Vier leaves the cafe, and Rose breaks. 

She’s suddenly crying from everything that just happened hitting at once. Good pulls her close and she clings to him, burying her head against his shoulder and he hugs her tight. She feels Love lean over to pet the back of her head. “You’re okay.” Good says quietly in her ear. “You did good.” He just keeps repeating quiet reassurances but Rose tries to nod to acknowledge each one. She tries to catch her breath and fails, falling into another bout of sobs. “You’re okay.” Good says. “You did it. You’re okay.”


	7. Scratch at the Door of the Divine Within

The morning of the tournament is bright and chilly where the six contestants wait in front of a newly constructed labyrinth of hedge and stone. Their preliminary interviews are done, and they’re preparing to enter at the signal. Their mission is simple, reach the center the fastest by clearing the obstacles in their path. 

The signal bell rings and Rose takes off, sprinting side by side with Love into the maze. They run side by side, taking the same turns until Rose skids to stop at the edge of a pit that blocks their path. At the edge of the pit is a tall pole that could be used to vault across, but the distance is such that with only one pole, it would be almost impossible to throw it back for a second trip. Love comes to the same conclusion. 

“Take it,” she says, “I’ll go the other way.” 

Rose glances between the pole and Love and then nods. “See you at the end.” She says. 

Love smiles. “See you at the end.”

Rose grips the pole and leverages her body weight to vault across. By the time she gains her balance on the opposite side Love is out of sight down another corridor. Rose keeps moving, running as close to full speed as she can manage. 

She takes any turn that seems to lead towards the middle, trying her best not to lose her orientation. Many of the physical obstacles she comes across are similar to the boot camp challenges, and Rose finds herself grateful that she trained so hard this year to get those top scores. She finds a few dead ends, but keeps looping around until there’s a way forward. She continues in this way until she reaches another dead end but this one is different. The maze has ended with a single blue door set in a blue frame within the wall of the hedge. It is closed, and when Rose tries the handle, she learns it is locked. 

As she lets go of the handle she hears a voice in her head that doesn’t belong to her. 

_ “Speak your fear to pass.”  _ The voice commands. 

Rose looks around, confirming that there is no one talking that she can see. She looks back to the door. What is her fear now? Less than a week ago she would have said “discovery”, but that feels less scary now. She tries it anyway.

“Being discovered.” She says aloud, hoping whatever entity asked the question can hear her. Nothing seems to happen. There are still no other contestants in sight, and while she briefly considers trying to find another way forward she knows this is too important to be a dead end, she can’t give up yet. 

She thinks back to her conversation with Good about telling Vier. He had asked her what she’s afraid of and everything in that conversation had boiled down to what if Vier  _ hadn’t _ accepted her truth? What if he was angry and never spoke to her again? What if in knowing the truth of her, she was left alone?

“Being abandoned.” She says suddenly, and she hears the door unlock. 

Rose turns the handle and opens the door. Beyond it she sees a small courtyard, a few low hedges that line a central square, and in that central square, upon a pedestal, stands a statue of a unicorn. She glances around and sees a number of other blue doors surrounding the courtyard, but all are closed. She can feel her heart beating in her throat as she approaches the unicorn statue. At its base sits a blue card and Rose picks it up. 

It simply reads:  _ Congratulations. _

A loud buzzer sounds and all the blue doors around her swing open of their own accord. The announcer calls the end of the competition. “And our winner of the 2020 Greatest Competition, Sean!”

Love is the first person she sees once she’s free of the Maze and she runs to her and sweeps her into a tight hug. Rose pulls back and holds Love by the shoulders. “Come with me to the unicorn.” She says, still out of breath. 

“What?” Love replies. “They won’t let me, will they?” 

Rose smiles. “Hey, I’m the Greatest, and you’re a former Greatest, can they say no?” 

Love shrugs, and laughs, but agrees to try.  


After the whirlwind of required press is done, Rose is finally released to the spectator area. Good is closest to the door, and he’s smiling so widely she thinks his face might break. She walks straight to him and hugs him, but tries to pull back quickly, so Sean hugging him doesn’t look too strange to the onlookers, but Good holds her tight, hooking his chin over her shoulder, and she enjoys it while she can. 

“I want to kiss you.” Good says in her ear and Rose pulls back to look him in the face, keeping her hands on his arms. 

“When did you get so brave?” 

Good looks a little embarrassed but also proud of himself. “I’m learning.” 

Rose laughs loudly and hugs him again. “Later.” She says against his neck. “And after this you can kiss me whenever you want, I promise.” She pulls back again and they make eye contact. He nods at her. She smiles. 

She turns to the next nearest person apart from the crowd and sees Vier waiting. He’s smiling softly but also looking nervous.

“Congratulations.” He says. 

“Thank you.” Rose manages. “I’m glad you came.” 

Vier nods. “Um. My friends were competing, I had to.” 

Rose smiles and nods at him. “Thanks again.” 

Love grabs her arm and pulls her towards the car that is waiting to take her to the forest. Rose and Love get in the car together and no one seems to stop them. It’s only about a ten minute drive from where the maze was built to the edge of the forest road, and Rose spends the drive sitting nervously, Love doesn’t make smalltalk. 

They reach the forest and the driver of the car gives Rose the compass, he tells her she has to follow it to find the unicorn.  _ One of these would have been useful years ago _ , she thinks, remembering all the time she spent searching the first time. Rose and Love walk a ways away from the car before Rose stops and turns to Love. 

“Hey Love, I have to tell you something.” 

“What is it?” Love sounds innocently interested. 

“I want you to take the wish.” Rose says, offering the compass in her hand. “I won it for you.” 

Love shakes her head. “What do you mean? What about your own wish?” 

Rose shrugs. “I never had one, not this year. I only tried out to help you win.” She smiles shyly. “Well, Good asked me to help you win. But he was smart, I should have thought of it myself.” 

A few tears drip from the edges of Love’s eyes and she wipes them on her shirt sleeve. Rose hugs her briefly and steps back again, holding the compass out the second time. “For you,” Rose says, “make your wish.” Love takes the compass. 

They walk through the woods in silence, just the crunch of their shoes on the dried underbrush filling their ears. Rose thinks back to this whole school year, smiling, happy that she could do something like this for Love after all that Love has done for her. It seems like such a small payment for everything Rose has gained. 

They see the Unicorn in the distance, standing regally in its misty shroud. If it’s surprised to see both of them it makes no move to show it. 

As they approach Rose doesn’t hear any greetings from the Unicorn, but Love reacts as if she’s being spoken to, and Rose watches their telepathic conversation through body language, going back and forth. It seems to take Love a few arguments before she smiles and the Unicorn lowers its head in assent. 

Rose sees the light and feels the warmth of the Unicorn’s magic permeating her chest, and as quickly as it came, the sensation passes. She looks at Love. “What did you do?” 

Love is still smiling, and the Unicorn walks away, unremarked, into the trees. 

Rose grabs Love by the shoulder. “Love, what did you wish for? I don’t feel any different… What did the Unicorn do to me? Why didn’t you wish for your body back?” 

“I decided… a while ago… that I don’t want it back.” Love says quietly, and Rose squints at her in confusion. “I think… I like who I am now.” Love is smiling, and something about the expression makes Rose believe her. She’s scared that Love will regret this choice, that she wasted her wish on Rose. Love continues speaking. “So, I made the Unicorn give your years back.” 

Rose’s eyes widen. “You  _ what _ ?” 

“Your twenty years,” Love explains needlessly, “the bargain for your first wish. I made the Unicorn return them. It didn’t want to at first, but I convinced it.” 

Rose can feel the tears at the edge of her eyes spilling onto her cheeks. She wipes her face and pulls Love into a hug. “Thank you.” She says. “Thank you for doing that. Thank you so much.” Love hugs her back, holding her tight.

  
  
  


**Epilogue:**

“I’ll meet you after class,” Good says on the phone, “we can get lunch.” 

Rose says her goodbyes and hangs up the phone. She tucks her phone into her bag and instinctively goes to push her hair off her shoulder only to remember that her hair is no longer long. The week before her university classes started she got it cut, and now it hangs just under her chin and swings when she moves her head. 

She stands up from the bench and slings her bag over her shoulder. She’s wearing a skirt long enough that she doesn’t have to think about smoothing it down over her thighs, and there’s a pair of black slacks in her closet that she’s dying to try out some day soon. 

She walks across her campus to her first class as a university student again, and she has no reasons to worry. 

**Author's Note:**

> Title and Chapter titles from Stock Image by Miya Folick


End file.
